Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you will always have a special place in my vag
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
