bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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