I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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