If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she peed on how many people?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
