I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
