his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
