you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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