i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
