ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
