How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh god it's open bar.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
