someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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