He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
