:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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