Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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