i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
