he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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