I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
