Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
