it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
