If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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