Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
