I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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