Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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