Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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