my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
