I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
