For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
