So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
