I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wish there were birth control emojis
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
