I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
