walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i barfeds in our rink
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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