Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
