i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
