In the future we'll all be gay
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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