i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Every concussion has its silver lining
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
