Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
