I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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