If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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