She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
