they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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