and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
