She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
