So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
