i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
