The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
