Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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