they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
