through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
