Small penises have feelings too.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
