i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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