we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
