I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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