he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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